| Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 08:55 pm umm hi! |
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Hi this is my first entry... umm.. im 18 .. almost done with high school ^.^ thank goddess! umm.. I'll be going to florida in bout 2 months 2 live closer to my girlfriend.. but im not sure if i want to.. idk.. she isnt the prettiest.. 4 some reason it bothers me.. dont get me wrong im not a shalow person.. this actually surprized me.. I used to think i'd never have this problem.. but then again i think im just looking for excuses.. she's to that... she's not this.. you know? I've had my heart broken so much.. and then there is the question of who else is out there? is there some1 better? but i guess i'm not a big risk taker when it comes to love.. I havent had much luck with it.. and when you live in a small town and are gay.. well you dont find to many ppl like you let alone who you'd want to b with.. but yeah..
I think i love her though.. she makes me lauph and feel great about myself.. and she can get me so horny that I want to rip my clothes off and fuck! .. she just knows how to get me... idk.. and then she also knows me in that special way.. like when im upset and when im happy.. she wouldnt even let me break up with her! can you believe it!? how do you not let some1 break up with you? lmao dont ask me but it can be done!... She even knows when im lieing.. its just creepy!.. I dont get y but even though she isnt my "type" in looks.. I want her in every single way possable.. and it scares me to death.. how can u want some1 that much.. it just blows my mind..
when she makes me really horny over the phone she asks me to fuck myself in such a sexy voice.. goddess!.. I just cant say know to this girl.. how could you in that sexy voice! .. mmm damn... lol! and then when she touches herself.. oh.. mm.. that noise she makes.. god.. I want to be the direct cause of that.. its just so hott.. and its kind of rare.. and i only hear it 2-3 times.. she is so quiet.. it makes me just want to fuck her till she screams.. mm. god I almost feel guilty.. like im falling back in to christian mode where girl on girl is wrong and sinfull.. it was all i knew 4 like ever!! and now just 3 years ago i converted to wicca.. i guess im still having thoughts that relate to it.. but yeah i just felt guilty for wanting that.. weird.. but i want it and i know i do..
I think i still have not 100% fully accepted myself as gay yet.. I dont know y.. I mean.. I've had good coming out experiances.. pretty good first relationship(which im still in) I think that part bothers me.. that this is my first real relationship.. and I dont want it to end.. but it feels like it has to eventually because its my first.. you know? how many firsts last? it seems impossable.. I havent gotten a chance to se what i like in a person.. or anything.. i havent dated around.. nothing.. but yeah.. this was supposed to be short!! lmao.. but I just forgot how good it was to write out my feelings.. but yeah! bies!! |
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